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Apr 21, 2009

I'm still here

Long busy weekend!!!
I'll post soon the pics from La Trienal Exhibit.
Be on watch!

Here is one entry from there site:
( I really can't believe that she's bitching that shes 20 and a virgin,
there are PPL in there 30s still virgins!!!!)

Dear God,
I can’t believe that I’m still a virgin. I am 20 years old and I am confident about myself. I have success in school, work, popular in friends, have good sense of style, and beauty. Seems like everything is perfect, but it is not. There is this big hole inside my heart. I have been single for 4 years and I don’t even know why. I tried to find love or at least crush but everytime I fail. I am starting to feel that I am a coward because I am not being open enough. I wished I had let go of my virginity long time a go so at least I can play around now. I am a party girl and it’s just a big contrary of what other people think and what I really am. I have tried to lose it with my fling but he stopped halfway, saying that he’s not gonna do it if I don’t feel comfortable, which i know I wasn’t. I didn’t tell him about my virginity and then he found out that I’m a virgin. He told my friend that he wants me to lose it to someone that would treat me right and he is not that person. My friends told me to lose it to someone I love and love me back, or at least like. But it’s just so hard to find him. I have been with lots of jerks and I’m always not interested with the good guys. I used to be a Catholic and I left because of modernity. I had new perception that religion is mostly made by human. I used to believe in abstinence. Now I just want to lose because I don’t care anymore. I feel so sick of it already. I want to do it because of me, not because of the guy. I know I’m selfish but I am just afraid to get hurt. I have experienced it before and it killed me once. I have been through hell. I just don’t want that to happen again. But now I’m starting to feel that I don’t know how to love. I feel that I can do all the things without man, I can. But deep down, I am miserably lonely and i know i need an intense relationship, a companion. But I suck at these things. I’m starting to feel sick of my perfectionist and independence. I am suffocated everyday. Sometimes I wish I have been born a man, not a woman. So that I can easily lose my virginity without regret. God, please help me to find my way back into my identity and love.

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