Apr 15, 2009
So yeah. I'm feeling happy and sad. Happy cause I saw today my my bff after a while, but sad cause I don't know when will I see him again, he has a life now being married and all. He is my half pie, my jam, my brothah form anothah mothah, my twin. I enjoy his company soooooooo much ,makes me laugh, cry, mad happy all at the same time and he's not fake like a lot of people out there. I know it sounds lame , but that's how it is. Being with him, I understood how many insecurities I have and how picky I am on things. I over analyze everything and I hate that, I don't want to be like that, cause it keeps me from being happy and appreciating what I have and the moment. I'm always bitching( like now) and I really don't know why I'm so insecure. Like thinking my friendship is ending jut cause my bff doesn't say "love ya!" after leaving the netz ( I'm exaggerating a lot) . Yeah I'M THAT insecure on shit. Don't know why. I got beautiful friends who I know that care about me lots, but sometimes I dwell too much on the things I don't have, wishing I had them instead of being happy with what I got. Its just that sometimes it feels like I have nothing. Maybe a doc can help me, cause it's issues that maybe I'm reflecting on, but I know that if I don't fix those things now I'm going to carry this for a long time. My biggest fear is doing, saying something wrong and loosing my friend. I know I should talk to my friends about this, but I've talked to them so much about it that I don't want to make them sick of me, cause of my insecurities and being afraid of stupid shit.
Guess I really miss the past. Maybe I'm kinda stuck there.