Chicken Philosophy

  WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE  ROAD???
Plato:  For the greater good.
Aristotle:  To fulfill its nature on the other side.
Karl Marx:  It was a historical inevitability.
Machiavelli:  So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a
chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road,
but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend
with such a paragon of avian virtue?  In such a manner is the princely
chicken's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates:  Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.
Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each
interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be
discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD
Thomas de Torquemada:  Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll
find out.
Timothy Leary:  Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.
Douglas Adams:  Forty-two.
Nietzsche:  Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.
Oliver North:  National Security was at stake.
B.F. Skinner:  Because the external influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that
it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be
of its own free will.
Carl Jung:  The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical
juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences
into being.

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